The Desires of my Heart

My intentions with this blog were not for me to post only when I was feeling down and depressed but somehow that's what happens. It sure is my place to vent and get thoughts and feelings out.

Today, January 25, 2011 should not be a depressing day for me. Just this morning we found out that our little bundle of joy will be a boy! And let me tell you, we are stoked!

Why then am I talking about being depressed? First of all, these stupid hormones are getting to me! I can be super happy all day and then one little thing sets me off and I'm crying like a baby the rest of the evening. What's bothering me tonight? school loans :( If I could have predicted all of this, I would not have even gone to college. It has not proven to be worth it. I can't find a job in my field because I have no experience, I can't get experience because no one will hire me. Vicious circle!

I'm faced with a dilemma. Do I apply for every job under the sun and take whatever I can get so that I have an income of some sort to help our family out and then go back to looking in a few months when I'm unhappy again or do I find something that I might enjoy and risk not finding anything for a few months. Being pregnant doesn't help my cause either. No one wants to hire a woman who will be around long enough to be trained before taking 6 weeks off to be with her newborn child.

So many people have told me that I need to do what's best for me and this baby. But what is best? If it were up to me I would be a stay at home mom. That's all I've ever wanted for myself. I'd love a career but I'd love even more to be able to stay home with my kiddos and teach them and watch them grow. Ideally I would do just as my mother did and also watch other people's children, to help with finances.

Unfortunately, today is not the day for me to be a stay at home mom. Being part of the middle class has left us like so many other hard-working Americans, struggling. We're a little too proud to ask for help, from family or the government. Sadly, it may be what it comes to. Being like so many others that have fallen and can't seem to get back up.

So I leave you with this, if you are an employer, think about the thousands of unmolded, inexperienced people out there that are just as capable of learning the skills as someone who has 5 or more years. And if you're a parent, don't push your child to go to college, if it isn't what they want, they'll figure something out.

TTFN

Brittany